I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
So squirting runs in the family.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
