don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
