you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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