Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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