I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
cat food counts as protein by the way
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
