Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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