btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
