2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
