I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I can text with my tongue
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
