Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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