I hate your face
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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