he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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