doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
