I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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