I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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