Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
