I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
