he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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