sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
