Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize