he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
This toilet bowl is my home.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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