I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
