I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize