.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
