absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
