So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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