So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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