Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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