My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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