I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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