so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
