So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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