I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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