I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
