Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
