This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
