just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
