Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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