I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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