So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize