My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
