soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
my sisters under your porch take her home
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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