you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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