I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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