We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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