I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize