I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
