every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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