i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
