turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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