Got a toothbrush?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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