he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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