May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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