Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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