I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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