oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
