Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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