dude i'm inner monologue high
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
