I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize