I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
