mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize