I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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