We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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