We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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