someone threw a dead crab at me
handjob tips. give me some.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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