If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
