We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
