Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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