I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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