final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
