Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
