I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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